We do what we can

Sarah Fraser

It will come as no surprise to physicians that our patients do not always do as we say. Treatment cannot be imposed upon the competent patient, even if in his or her best interest. I wrote this poem as a second-year medical student. It is about recognizing that we cannot always help everyone, and about the process of growing to be okay with that.

Teenage apathy versus cervical adenopathy

The teenager’s adenopathy (lump)
blanketed one side of her neck
Her drug list was long.
cigarettes, alcohol, special K,
marijuana, benzos
fentanyl and amphetamines
What? she said
When left to their own devices
Some people try shit
While I was palpating her nodes
she requested to leave for a smoke
I told her the exam wouldn’t last much longer and
her boyfriend encouraged her to stay, too
She would need to see ENT
but had skipped such appointments in the past
Out for a smoke
and she didn’t come back
Two months later sitting on the street at night
she was begging for money with her boyfriend
I gave them five dollars
but they didn’t recognize me
or thank me for the money
which I was ambivalent about
Her adenopathy had grown significantly