I had hoped that my medical training would aid my understanding of my own health and journey with chronic pain and fatigue. I learned more about the stigma around fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome than I did about the pathophysiology. This has led me to bury this secret deeper, out of view of those who might use it to judge or harm me. “Allodynia” explores that experience and reflects on the health challenges that beset me as a teen.
Allodynia
I learned little about my old diagnosis
in becoming a doctor
Sticky note on rheumatologist’s reception wall read
Dr —— is NOT accepting fibromyalgia patients
Allodynia
touch from parent or lover
sent up the wrong path
and made into pain
My rheum at SickKids
shook my hand and wished me well
when I turned 18
Sickly doctor’s daughter
We flew to Hawaii for answers
as to why a vigorous preteen came to languish
and teem with discomfort
previously reserved for influenza
A full dosette:
ketoconazole
valganciclovir
acidophilus
pregnenolone
thyroid hormone (compounded in America)
sertraline (of course)
New afflictions came upon me in medical school
Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome
Plantar Fasciitis
and the surprise of Celiac Disease
The gastroenterologist asked
whether the fatigue had improved
I try not to think too much about it
My beloved biopsychosocial model
turned its looking glass upon me
What went wrong at 12?
My first love, after me, was wanted
by a long-haired girl with cervical cancer
I can’t be with another sick person
Of 26-hour internal medicine call
my mother said
we didn’t think you could do it
I just, did
Footnotes
Competing interests
None declared
- Copyright© the College of Family Physicians of Canada
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